I need to post

So I've kind of been in the dumps as of recently.  Things that have happened in order of occurence
Failed teacher's college
Moved to Toronto and found house hunting to be more a challenge than I though it would be.
Couch surfed from one place to the next (one person cancelled on me the day of, decided I don't wanna be friends with them anymore).
Started nannyng for the best family in the world
Got my car towed
Got a flat tire on my bike
Had this huge revelation that I desperatly want to have a child as I watched my nanny family interact with each other and their grandparents and almost cried in front of them because of how beautiful it was to watch.
Have been lamenting about being single and realizing I may never marry.  If this does not happen... I won't have a wedding!!!!  No beautiful  wedding dress, no kick ass after party, no cool decorating.
The people I'm staying with at this moment have cats... they peed on my bed.
Got a virus on my computer.

Pretty awesome eh?  I'm just glad I have a good family to work for.

Motorcycle

Dear Most Recent Crush,
                   Every time I hear a motorcycle go by I wonder if you bought a new one and its you.

Desired but not Wanted

I've concluded that I am only desired by men but not actually wanted by them.  When I say men, I mean men that I am attracted to.  The men who like me are insecure or the type of guys who if you kissed them on the lips they would fall in love with you.
They (men I like) feign interest but then realize that although I'm intelligent and sensual are scared off by my quirkiness and eccentricity.
I'm tired of this, I seriously just want to fall for the boys who pant after me like puppies but then I think "whats the fun in that I like a challenge and they are not a challenge" "plus they are probably really bad kissers."
Just a little peak into the shallowness of my brain, yes I am shallow.  I use to write really deep things but school has ruined any deep thoughts that I have with incessant writing of stylized papers that read what the prof wants to hear.  I'm drained of creativity in my writing.  To start with I'm not much of a writer and then to have to punish myself with school I feel as though I'd rather click, click, click my time away on the computer.

Dear who ever you are (someone like me)  I miss you and I don't even know you.  That is all that has been running through my head for the past six months.  It seems that all the 'right' decisions I've made thinking they would lead me closer to you because I was following 'God's will' all my life have not lead me to you.  Instead I am almost thirty and still not with you.  Yes, I'm the girl who has dreamed all of my life of being married.  My parents impressed the importance of marraige on me ever since I was a child.  The family unit is very important to them, one of man and wife... and then eventually children. Thank you Focus on the Family for adding to the immense amount of pressure from my parents that they put on me.  I don't want to love you, I don't want to want you because I don't think I'll ever find you.  I think I am destined to be single all of my life.  Some girl with a dream life better than the one in front of her.
Well I guess I still can write something resembling so sort of depth.

Dear Old Crush

I think I still like you.   Every time I see you it's like drinking a cup of hot cocoa, you make me all warm and comforted inside.  I love your cheshire cat smile, your confidence and yet lack of confidence at the same time, how easy going you are, your casual stride, your ability to engage anyone in conversation... I would really like to be with you but I don't know if I'm pretty enough or cool enough to be with someone like you.

Words of Wisdom To Self

Don't start liking men younger than you who are only single because their 'ex'-girlfriends are away in another country or are just too far away to see each other anymore.

If I'm going to do this teacher thing I want it to be like Happy Go Lucky.

Dear Crushe's Female Friend

I don't really like you, your too perfect.  I know your good friends with his ex.  Tonight when I saw you at the grocery store, I kinda foregot about the way you treated me on Halloween and I said hello.  I could tell you did not want to linger.  I know your friend was anxious to get something off the shelf somewhere but your giggly girl laughs could have been mistook for laughter at me.  How are you in nursing, able to volunteer, work and be social all at the same time... ya your a brainiac and I can't stand it.